Time to Myself? Ha.

I’ve been hard-pressed lately to get any time to myself. One might think, hey you’re a stay at home mom. Certainly you have plenty of time to yourself. Ah ha, I would say back, you’d think so wouldn’t you? Well you are so very wrong.

For one thing every moment that I’m with my child if I’m not directly interacting with him he is just on the edges of my mind. He might be sitting in his bouncer but I’m counting the seconds until he’s had enough and will start wailing or thinking about how last time he ate was so many hours ago and he’ll need to eat again soon. Or the dogs are in there with him and he just got real quiet.. they’re probably licking the crap out of his face and he’s silently loving every second.

Even when he naps he has most likely fallen  asleep on me so I’m stuck wherever that was unless I want to risk waking him up only to have to try to get him back to sleep again. And some days, that nap is the only quiet time I’ve had all day. Especially right now because he’s learned to make a high pitched screech noise that he must think is a proper tool for communicating. I have not found a way to communicate to him that this in fact is NOT a proper communication tool. So I’ll let him nap on me trying not to move too much and wondering why I left my phone, remote, candy bar, laptop, water bottle, etc so far out of reach.

Then once he wakes up he wants to talk (ie: screech) at me but only if I’m looking at him and if I look away he must then screech-cry until I look back. Then he smiles and wails at the same time while madly bouncing in his bouncer. Does my child sound broken? Maybe he’s broken. Siiigh.

Needless to say any alone time when I’m the only adult in the house doesn’t really translate to me time. Because, on top of him if I do get a spare second I feel like I need to pet the cats or play with the dogs because the poor pets are oft neglected in lieu of the baby. Sorry furkids, he’s just louder than you. Most of the time.

Though I guess sometimes I do have a small window of time I feel like I get just for me. It’s usually about 10 o’clock (like it is right now) and I’ve just managed to get him off the boob without waking him. He’ll actually roll away from me on to his back and I’m able to roll the other way and pull my laptop up to play with. I know almost certainly I’ll have at least an hour before he rolls back towards me to comfort nurse one more time before he goes to sleep. Usually at this point I’m too tired to stay up and so he nurses and we go to sleep. That hour though.. its a good hour..


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